Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
