My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
