I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
