he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
