Sry I called you an 8
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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