haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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