So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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