i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
