I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
