I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
