There was a lot of him and a little penis
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
