My cat gives me a boner
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
