My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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