I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
