It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
