my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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