i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
