Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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