Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
