Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
