we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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