ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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