3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
