he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
