Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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