I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Rumble strips road head = magical
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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