I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
