I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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