so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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