why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
