Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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