What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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