oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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