I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
