Where did you get a picture of my penis
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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