this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
