its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
