my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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