Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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