its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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