"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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