how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
