Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
