Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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