NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
