How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
