the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
