so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
