Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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