worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
