Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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