Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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