Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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