At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
