I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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