Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
