Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
