So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We don't watch enough power rangers
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
All I want is dick and wine.
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