dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
